Tuesday, March 01, 2005

so you wanna be a writer?

follow L's easy how-to program which any writer will tell you is the write way (corny pun intended).

1. get a quiet place

2. a computer or pen and pad

3. a playstation 2 (xbox will suffice also)

4. a telephone

once you know your assignment sit down turn on the computer and your ready to start. first check your email so that it doesn't get in the way of your artistic endeavor and make sure that you respond to any emails that need to be done away with so that they aren't over you head while your creative juices flash flood.

clear your mind, wait your quiet place isn't quite clean so why not take a few minutes and clean it up. there's no reason to be lax on your cleaning job and if you notice that there's dust under the couch you might as well get under there... actually if you take off the cushions wash them and dry them it would make it a lot better. okay got that done? let's get back to that work. speaking of work where are you in your NBA Live™'05 season? Last time you played you were on a 20 game winning streak and 21 is 3 times 7 so it would be a better number to save your season to so one quick game won't hurt plus it will relax you and allow you open the dam of your mind easier. okay, you lost and messed up the streak but it was understandable that you had to play 2 more games to feel better about that loss. now it's time for work. speaking of work isn't your bestest friend in the whole world at their grind staring intently into a computer screen helping THE MAN™ hurt the world? there's no reason you shouldn't pick up the phone and call them because they need to know that your there for them. okay they had a computer virus at work (damn PCs) so your bestest friend had 2 hours to spare which you all took full advantage of but now your about to write the equivalent of the I have a Dream speech and you feel it cause goosebumps on your neck, of course since it will be so great maybe you should tell everyone about it on your blog. with that done your REALLY ready, okay, what should you start with... wait is that Bye, Bye Love on tv? such a heart warming movie about divorce in suburbia everyone should watch this at least 12 times. the last strands of james and ben taylor's i will are still ringing in your head and you've just realized that your going to win the first ever oscar for written word so you'd better get this labor of love on the road... wait it's that late? hmmmm, being that you are a day older than you were yesterday sleep is something you should start to take seriously especially since your going to win the nobel prize with this one so good night.

now you are officially a writer.

sidenote: still NOT a writer.

music to fuck to - portishead

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