Thursday, December 30, 2004

follow the light

2004 is taking it's last breaths and i'm sitting by it's beside holding it's hand. not so much hoping that it would hang in there a little longer but appreciating what it's shown me in the trillion piece jigsaw puzzle being put together blindfolded in this thing i call life. i've learned a lot of things this year and was blessed enough to be at the right place at the right time, a couple of times.

People tend to tell you that patience has gifts, it's just waiting to unpack them, but most of those people sharing are already enjoying the it's presents. I heard these things over and over, in fact my whole life has been people telling me that if i wait... things will work out. i got tired of waiting a long time ago but did because of a still vivid memory of sitting in a holding cell, age 17, for violating curfew knowing that this wasn't the place for me, ever. i'm not saying 2004 has answered all of m problems but it sure has sharpened my focus, trust, 'i'm soo sincurr' now.

i promise myself, and those who have gone before me, to crush 2005. if your one of the few that are going to be along for the ride you might want to invest in a industrial strength seat belts and headgear cause i took the brakes off the b-i.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

6:57 am

Christmas is different this year. Last year I was the new here and hadn’t met everyone just yet. Last Christmas it was sit around me and ask me broken questions in broken English. Last year I was the spokes person for anything American and last year I wouldn’t back down for shit. This year is pretty chill and they are used to seeing me up here (at least the extended family) this year I can understand 80 percent of what they’re saying but don’t feel like translating Swedish all the time so I often disappear somewhere or stare intently at one of my phones and try and pull up blogs or check my email.

Speaking of email I’d like to thank everyone who sent me emails to my phone but dude. dude who sent me a list of words, pointless multi syllable words with no seeming purpose except he felt like typing them and sending them to me. At first I thought that maybe it was one of the many brilliant writers that bless my blog with their presence and they were sending me a coded email so I tried to break the code. There was no code and I’m sure that dude was twerked out typing fast because the purple people said he had to or they would provide anal probs or something. Dude, don’t send me emails anymore.

That reminds me, since it’s the year’s end I’d like to thank the other bunch of useless emails that I have received from this blog. The editors. Yep, it seems that certain people, who don’t know me, feel the need to share their oh-so-helpful opinions regarding any grammar-type errors. Thank you, I truly appreciate it, really…

I’m sitting here watching fox news. The satellite card in the basement which I loved soo much is having problems and cnn and bbc have been erased leaving fox news. Fox is fun to watch. They spend abnormal amounts of time showing how the president is a smart guy. Michael Moore is code word for the devil on here and they have somehow come up with the concept that he is THE democrat who represents all democrats. I am not a democrat and am starting to think of Karl Rove as my new hero. In fact I think that if he pulls off my idea he could fuck the game up for a long time. Since bush can’t bless us with another term I have come up with the greatest republican coup for 2008 and ever. Colin Powell and Condi Rice for prez and vice respectively. Tell me that that wouldn’t mess the game up? At this point damn near anyone not a white guy gets a second look and with 90 percent of black people being ass people this campaign would cause car accidents. Shit I came up with it and I’d lose sleep thinking about it.

I just found out that Reggie White died, damn…

Monday, December 27, 2004

dial up sucks

really sucks.

i'm stuffed about to destroy anyone in my path in Live 2005. i've been reading alot about christmas '94 on certain blogs. they don't know i was outta the hospital from the closest thing to an overdose that weed can give you depressed, solo playing video games in my wack ass studio apartment until my best friend and her little sister stopped thru to give me my only christmas present for the day.

welp off to Live domination. did i mention my playstation is in black and white at her parents crib? i feel like i'm watching hanger enhanced tv in the 70's.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

christmas glee

i just got off the phone with my godaughter, the grrrreatest 5 year old on the planet, she seems to have a chokehold on the english language and has offered me a doll house. She got it for christmas and enjoyed it soo much that she said that she would ask for another one so she can send it to me :-) eboni!

wifey's nephew is asking me to head over and play a pre-bedtime game of finding nemo on the new gamecube wifey and i got him for christmas. duties.

oh, between drunken swedish christmas singing (off-key "and i wish, i never met her at all") i've been enjoying my email via my cell phone-life's great plesure- so if you feel the need to spread christmas cheer send it to there's more and wifey likes/loves her ipod though doesn't know how sincurr i am on the 'watch your back/jack move'. there's more but i must head to 'hitta nemo' nu!

uh troublecrunk must hit me at my cell phone for a split sec.

oh, gotta share this. i grew seventh day adventist and we have to observe the jewish sabbath from sundown friday night to sundown saturday. factor that in to a saturday christmas and think or the pain my nephew was going thru today. i called there and he was with will's niece counting down the last seconds to friggin open presents. i shared with him my '82 chritsmas visit to the only fam who wasn't sda, in cali, watching those bammas open presents while i was sitting there with my clip-on tie about to go to church sure that jesus gave a gotdarn about me otherwise he wouldn't put me thru this hell.

merry x-mus

send me emails dammit!

husum rocks! plus beers

Thursday, December 23, 2004

in the shadow of the mill

i'm here chilling with wifey's fam and after yesterday's ish things are lovely. left about 3 hours late, wifey got a digital camera (pics coming soon) and we got a ride to the airport (yay!). the airport, which we spent too much time in, had some pay type wireless which i don't agree with and refuse to cough up for (it should be free people).

now i'm over at nik's pops house enjoying wireless, dial up at wifey's parents crib, so i'm out.

tomorrow is recognized as christmas here so i'll update when i get a chance.


Wednesday, December 22, 2004


been working a lot lately so my blog is mad at me right now. when i signed in it was like "who are you?" and since blogs have feelings i'd like to apologize to her. sorry.

moving on.

today we're heading up north to a place called Husum which from where the flower that is wifey bloomed from 2 *cough* years ago. Husum's a town who's biggest claim to fame (besides wifey) is sweden's largest paper mill. sure to you and i that may sound boring but you'd be surprised how much people are 'mycket stolt' of the mill there. no matter where you are glowing mentions of the mill (not to mention constant offers of mill tours). in fact i was over her uncle's house and he was wearing what i thought was a radio station's giveaway shirt and the mention of the mill came up. they were talking about a paper machine that could spit paper out in vast amounts and how great and new it was it was then he mentioned that he was wearing the shirt of said paper quick spitter.... uh.. ohhhh- kay.

though it is rather strange to me, an outsider, of the religious-like love for the mill that spews foul smelling odors on occasion when the wind changes it is rather relaxing to hear sometimes broken english glow over the beauty of the mill... hey at least they take it there.

Monday, December 20, 2004

fight music

today was the day!

i had a pitch meeting with a large company and searched thru my cds until i found the perfect amp music. rocked train with brother's gonna work it out on blast with the illest harlem swagger since Afro'ed filled Caddies (cira lower case l in cotton diaper days). I was Kane-getting-pushed-on-stage in a bathtub with bubbles, fresh fest '84 type P.E., post rodney king trial amped. all i needed was an announcer and our pre figtht spar/jumping jacks was perfection. then the free, though kate moss anorexic, moody drifting wireless signal picked up the meeting was canceled...

we still accomplished ish and it did work out but damn i was hype flesh bound, i see you ras.

so tomorrow's the rematch and i have to stay in fight mode so i'll scour my cd collection tonight. anyone have any ideas please send crunk-less burnt offerings to

*putting on rocky gear*

Saturday, December 18, 2004

vince with the nets?

things you miss when your not in the states...


Friday, December 17, 2004

'she almost got cut, you know scissors'

slick rick makes me happy. he reminds me of sitting in front of the speaker 'seeing' every word the greatest storyteller in hip hop said. because of my inablility to watch tv at the time i can still remember my mental videos of his songs. to this day i still hate the children's story's video because the cast and concept are all wrong.

maybe it's the fact that there are 14 days left in the last full year i'll be in my twenties or the lack of friggin' sunlight but damn i'm on rewind lately.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

"you are my boyfriend before i met him"

an old swedish woman told me in broken english on my way back home this evening. she tapped me and when i took off my earphones i said yes in english, which usually scares older people since they aren't fluent in english like everyone else here. after saying that she said 'fint' which means 'handsome' or 'beautiful', while her eyes welled up. i was strangely mesmerized by the vibe. i didn't know what to say so asked her if she was okay to which she responded that she was sick. i told her that she'd be okay but she said that she was very sick but one day she'll be well and smiled a sweet innocent smile (though unlike alzheimer's patients). i told her that i hoped so to then she said that it was nice to meet me while tears welled up in her eyes again and we parted ways.

my rather large feet

i'm a honest guy, just like clinton, and feel that sharing is good way to remove the now & later covered skeletons in my closet soo-

my feet: large, very, very large and there wasn't a available bar stool and car keys in my pocket so large feet implications didn't work making this a serious issue. let's try the age:shoe size chart and you'll figure it out.

age:shoe size
13:13 - being 5'4 didn't help and my aunt's penance for buying kmart brand white shoes added to the misery.

at 14 i had a one summer, one foot, growth spurt and finally at 6'4 my size 15's (in dark colors and never with straight leg nut huggers) work for me.

wow i feel soo much better, except for this.

but you'll never catch me with ice creams i'm lactose intolerant.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

my teeth are strong!

yep, this is what the dentist shared with me 5-6 times yesterday when he did a checkup sans cleaning (which i have to head back today for). i guess they do the check up separately here but you feel used when all they do is a 10 min. check up. he spent the remainder of the time telling me that i had strong teeth and that smoking is bad, really bad. he REALLY hates smoking and continued to share with me all of this 'useful' information regarding why smoking is bad from a mouthwise obsessed standpoint. when i asked him if it was already happening to me he said no and that since my teeth are soo strong it would be another 20 years before anything would happen. even my nighttime teeth grinding hasn't affected my strong teeth. my world champion teeth are lifting weights right now.

after leaving the dentist's office i realized that i was across the street from my favorite store, an apple store called mackotecket. sure if i buy things there i'll, nine times out of ten, return them but they know the answers to my mac questions and NO ONE knows the answers to my mac questions. it can be lonely on this narrow, no virus apple lined path to righteousness *sigh*

here i was humming the negro national anthem while pulling myself up from my bootstraps when i read yet another statement from certain person who seems to have GOD's cell phone number. i want that number now!

Sunday, December 12, 2004

"i'm going to knit half a scarf"

it's sunday and what better way to celebrate than shooting for middle, in the world renown under achieving day of the week.

that's right today i pay homage to underachieving bastards world wide. from low c average silver spoon raised president's with half ass annie get your gun administrations, festering unfinished wars declared finish which will give our younger brothers AND sisters good reasons for child abandonment issues and 8am liquor store rendezvous. welcome to the neo crack age where kids are taught that participation is ALL the battle so trophies line their walls because they were simply there.

this is coming from a guy who's report card was lined with nothing but A's and a teacher's note that read: 'he needs apply himself'. maybe my early 90's hourly love affair with a certain smokable green substance (that's now legal in 11 states cause the people spoke but the aforementioned tyranny decided they just. might. be. wrong.) cause i seem have to forgotten pats on the back for just sitting in class, though my sleeve had a tendency to play big daddy kane, tribe and fear of a black planet still numero uno.

if portland is "where dreams go to die" i'm in a tijuana dream abortion clinic complete with rusty equipment and a doctor who works for shots of jim bean.

so bastards go ahead and finish half the dishes, work out then drink a 6 pack or say fuck it and lounge on the couch cause why try when no one else is?

Friday, December 10, 2004

religious backmasking

i was a lower case l in a very strict religion that didn't allow you to listen to secular music. of course this makes you obsessed with secular music, very obsessed. i remember going to a program that scared the shit out of me because they said that not only was michael jackson satanic he also was known to float around the studio when he recorded! poor little 8 year old me, i didn't moonwalk for months after that and even prayed for him. they played records backwards and though i don't recall hearing anything that made sense they, in their great wisdom, would "translate" for us. amazingly everyone seems to put the same type of messages on their records about god not existing and satan is king.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

de la

i am officially amped, minus that fact that wifey decided on not joining me, and no i'm not on some def jam's prez plus tip and biz (who happens to be my favorite person in hip hop), oprah lovin' mofos.

suit me up cause tonight i will cap off my treat week with none other than the group that confused me (back when my brand new title was teen) with potholed lawns. though i did dance myself and i till my pleather medallion stuck. i smoke too much and jogs down memory lane make me go for my inhaler so i'm chill, but happy though the stakes stay high.

see me!

"plug one, plug..."

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

nat turner with a wagonload of c4

you must learn

blog in g minor: defectors edition

i'm tired, really really tired and the crack in my glasses isn't helping because it gives me double vision in my left eye if i look over my glasses like my high school librarian who was proud she was a virgin after 70 plus years of walking, with little steps, around this planet. she was strange person who seemed to enjoy the powers that only a small conservative christian boarding academy can give. i remember one day she was walking slowly (with the little steps that only a 70 year old virgin has, i assume) in front of me and to hit an illinois ice patch (which are different from michigan ice patches) and fell into the splits. after asking her if she was okay i fell over in the snow from laughing so hard. but hey she was my arch enemy telling all the girls i was trying to talk into sex that it was okay to a be a virgin plus if they made it to 70 they wouldn't have to worry about stretch marks and stds. well i got a cold from all that rolling around in the snow laughing at her, which i'm sure she prayed for.

Monday, December 06, 2004

soultronic force

sunday's roots show

did i mention that i'm tall?

wifey's camera action

more photos later.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

crunk similac

whilst the world seems to be enthralled with crunk music, which for those of us who've lived in the south knew existed before tupac started believing his juice inspired myth, i'm baffled. to me, it's a strange thing, not because people like riot music (which it is) but because it needs a certain environment to truly express itself (which even my beloved nyc can't provide). what that environment truly entails i couldn't tell you but it has something to do with low cost living, gas station/car wash hang outs, after club IHOP visits, close proximity to HBCUs, freshly dipped automobiles and the inevitable white tee-shirt (which is taken' sooo seriously in the south). not to mention southern hospitality with syrupy drawls to match and the (re)definition of thick.

i have no problem with people the likes of lil' jon making monies hand over fist, dude has BEEN in the game, BEEN. some of my issues stem, most likely, from the MD/DC/VA (where i "grew up") go-go connection which swears that Chuck Brown, RE and Junk Yard DESERVE top 10 spots on billboard because go-go is sooo riotous WITH real instruments to match. in fact, crunk is go-go's only child which grew up in a foster home so maybe the Originators will get some seepage love, maybe.

so tonight i'll watch the opening deejays for the roots show "warm up" the swedish crowd with a slew of crunk songs they just don't, and will never, understand. they will convulse up and down grabbing their imaginary white tee (it's too cold for that here) while i'm wondering what the fuck is going on?


i want daylight, daylight (c) R.A.M.P.

i think the aforementioned song was written when roy ayers came through sweden cause f*ck! that crap gets on your nerves. in case you all don't know sweden has the same type issue with the sun that alaska does because of it's close proximity to the north pole? or just damn north. so, it's december and the sun is on drugs. it will come out around 9ish in the morning and go down early afternoon (by 1ish it's heading down). before i came here i though "hey i'm like Q-Tip cause 'the night is one my mind'" so i wasn't really too worried about it. or it's psycho summer scorpio version that stays the hell up ALL the time. little did i know.

last november the voices in my head started getting really loud and i started feeling like females must feel at some point and time during the procreation process. frustrated, semi-emotional (hey i'm a rudebwoy internetgangsta here dammit!) and missing the hell outta nyc. trust it was on some 'ah man homie' cira geto boys '91.

it was around this time which brought on my hug a black person campaign and whispering "i see white people."

well it's back and i'm not welcoming it, the worse part is that it crept up on my without tapping me on the shoulder and freaked me out this week quite a bit. so i'd like to apologize to random people who came in contact with me these past weeks because i'm NOT mentally sound at the moment and my sun machine keeps having snafus i can't quite figure out.

Friday, December 03, 2004


too tired to take grainy pics today.

friday! a full week finally over.

lot's of seminars, went to another seminar/award ceremony last night only to have to sit thru almost 2 hours of presentations in swedish. k, i haven't yet perfected it and i know enough to know when an ass whipping is in order but DAMN my head hurt trying to translate and the fact that i was tired didn't help.

it went like this: translate, translate "wow don't nut hugging jeans hurt to walk around in?" oh yeah, translate, "droning swedish sounds worse than droning english" translate *audience laughs* translate, "oh! now i think think i get it... wait no" translate.

wifey's dad (my favorite non-wifey person in sweden) fell at his job on ice and broke his arm in 5 places yesterday. after waiting 40 mins on the ice for the ambulance to come, they couldn't move him, he had to go thru surgery today so if since we like wifey's dad your welcome to e me your condolences which i will read to him after the morphine wears off. remember engish isn't his first language. the operation went well btw.

sleep is calling me


Thursday, December 02, 2004

ya'll gon' make me lose my mind

sorry but i promised cell phone pictures this week.

that damn dmx song got the biggest response last night as mr. 'fro (of roots fame) deejay'ed for stockholm's equivalent of APT cira 2002. that.. is.. depressing.

we were supposed to see the roots perform last night but bt had a death in the family and the show was postponed until sunday night. so in the spirit of "the show must go one" one few people who i have no problem with earning a living on music (because the love/lust/stalker-ism is there) dj'ed for free instead.

i've seen him dj quite a few times and couldn't wait to hear him throw in songs-that-shouldn't-make-sense-but-do (and annoy me that i didn't think about that first) all night long. alas, L deux forgot that he was in scandinavia where the average people's first listen of hip hop could have come from the score add nauseam.

first off he tried, hard. this was the first time in the year and a half that i've been here that i heard the following artist in a club: special ed, black moon, slick rick and "thinking of master plan" rakim. did that get us anywhere? the club's reaction was blink, blink, stare and order another drink!?!

i could go on but why? i'll just mention that when *sniff, sniff* children's story came on i was the only person singing along to it (this... i have NEVER experienced). plus that overwhelming sensation of eyes staring with that "dance n*gga, dance!" look in them.

i must add that he looked as pained to play that ish as i felt so big ups for being a trooper.

i spent most of my night clutching my empty bottle of beer choice number two out of two (budweiser was the first choice *gag*) watching wifey and chris' wifey dance (that did make me happy) missing the HELL outta nyc. *sigh*

well at least we have sunday and de la's the next sunday so i'll feel better, it just hurts that this was the best chance, club-wise, and hands down the best music i've heard since getting here.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

leave it to the british

yesterday i was straightening out my email and setting up appointments that i have this week when looking down i realized that the seminar that i had at the british embassy was at 13.00 not 18.00 like i previously thought. it's 12 and since it's up the str8 from the us embassy i know it will take about an hour. so i walk straight out and hop the train. my bus was late and the us embassy acted as if i was bothering them when their sole purpose is to help my arse and all i was doing was asking for directions...

get to the seminar and being that i'm used to jeans being the norm at function such as these i was kinda taken back when i walked into a suit coat and tie seminar. EVERY SINGLE PERSON. i can't get shook (except when a certain rodent is involved) so i rocked it, did my thing and pulled off good networking capabilities.

things i learned.

- the british embassy has an OPEN BAR once a month and all you have to have is a british passport (people if you have one please e me and we'll work out getting it here).

- this may seem like a no brainer but - don't front, when you are so anti-fronting people tend to drop their b.s. and work with you better.

- apologize for the mishap of the election early in covos but don't allow mofo's to talk about your retarded countrymen.

- big brother is everywhere and he tends to send his minnions to seminars and try and talk companies on "co-operiating" with the authorities, no matter what personal info they'd like about your customers

- oh, that reminds me, big brother knows too much and i think i'm going to move to a cabin in the woods somewhere and swear off all almost electrionics. i'm scurred *shaking*

- the british embassy DOESN'T have wi-fi, which will in boring meetings should be a rule because there is nothing more boring than listening to drone with a british accent.

- my favorite english accent goes to scotland, scottish people are cool :-)

big brother is watching you right....